The Best Jokes

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you even tried. If ignorance is bliss, I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? No one ever says, “It’s only a game. I still miss my ex. A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor!

Funny Doctor Jokes

I heard there was a sweep stake on the length of the best mans speech. I just went for 35 minutes — so settle in……. No seriously this speech will be a bit like Clive short and not very funny…..

Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes As Carrie Bradshaw in “Sex and the City” I broke up with this girl I can’t tell you her real name, of course, because – well, she didn’t tell me her real name.

You will feel better and have a more meaningful life. Just a laugh a day keeps the doctor away or was it an apple? Never mind, here is a great list with hilarious jokes. The word hilarious can mean funny for some and not so much for others. We have picked those jokes who made the most smile for this category. If you have any comments about these jokes or just this site, then use the contact form and submit anything you may have on your mind. I hope you will enjoy these as many others before you.

Have a great time. Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing! That the potato should go in the front.

JOKES – Differences Between Men and Woman

Funny one liners on relationships 1. There are two theories to arguing with women. I think, therefore I’m single. If you love something, turn it loose. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it.

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, ‘Is everything a joke with you?’.

The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. Allan shouted across the garage, ‘Hey Doc can I ask you a question? Allan straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, ‘So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I work for a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?

When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room. After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem.

The Doc told him, ‘Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can’t drink tea. A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. I’d have been better off staying here in the hospital. Iain speaks frantically into the phone, ‘My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

20 of Steven Wright’s Funniest Jokes

Because she gets a frog in her throat at Funny […] Posted in Adult Jokes What did the penis say to the condom? Condom joke Submitted by Trevor Posted in Adult Jokes A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he […] Posted in Adult Jokes There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building.

One one-liner a day keeps the doctor away so, here is a shortlist of the best one-liners you can find on the internet today. Have fun! 1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone.

Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Are you THAT particular? So I keep on looking! Did you find the perfect girl yet? My mother loved her, they became great friends. So, are you and this girl engaged, yet?

Adult Jokes

Joke about Australian sexual practices 1 Why wasn’t Jesus born in Sydney? They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin. The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.

42 Funny One Liner Jokes. by Stephen on March 25, · 55 comments. in Jokes. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes. o O o A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. o O o How do you get a sweet year-old lady to say the F word?

I am waiting so much for the time we will get married. After that, I would love to solve all your problems, worries and reduce your stress.. Wow, so nice of you.. But honey I don’t feel that i have any troubles or problems.. Because you are not married yet!! What do you call a female in heaven? And what about crowd of them in heaven?

A host of angels! And what if all the females are in heaven? Peace and happiness on the earth..

In defence of the joke no one found funny

The first one said to the other, “Boy am I glad to see you, I’ve been lost for hours. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer. Unwilling to leave their deer, the hunters said “We got six on the plane last year.

Let’s do a section on Dating Jokes, they said. It will be fun, they said. And oh, just one thing, make sure you keep it clean, we know you’re good at that. I was actually thinking it could be fun until that point, but now I’m wondering if they have ever even met me and actually get who I am.

A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it. How is a pussy like a grapefruit? The best ones squirt when you eat them. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Funny Pharmacists Jokes

Joan Rivers ready to unleash another quip Image: Could not subscribe, try again laterInvalid Email Joan Rivers may turn 80 today, but she’s not showing any signs of mellowing yet – the comedian remains as caustic as vinegar eyedrops. That’s the only good thing about age. Remind yourself why Joan has been dubbed the Queen of Mean with 80 of her best one-liners and bitchiest putdowns below.

Most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.

I’m not into Internet dating, but I am dating the Internet. — Nicole Betz (@TomHanksIsHot) January 26, If my girlfriend doesn’t start being nicer to me, I’m totally gonna bottle up my rage and stay in this shitty relationship for 2 more years.

How many men does it take to open a beer? It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. Why do women have legs?

Why do Women have legs?

We Learned To Write One-Liner Jokes